Who needs therapy?

Everyone needs a therapist. 

If you were interested in investing in a company and they told you they didn’t have a team of advisors, you would turn around, keep your coins in your pocket and run if you are wise. We all need help. Every last one of us. And to say you don’t is to be delusional. Support doesn’t always have to take the form of a therapist—there are life coaches, personal trainers, nutritionists, professional organizers and other potential partners you can employ to help you get your life in order. But to think you can manage it all on your own is to take on more work than most human beings can bear.

Who does therapy help? 

Therapy helps everyone, even therapists. When you know better, you do better and you can inspire others in your life. If you have frenemies or wounded family members who thrive on drama and can no longer get a rise out of you, they’ll take note and evolve or move on to their next target. 

Your relationships with coworkers can improve. You’ll have the clarity and motivation to find a healthier employer or develop the bravery to take a chance at entrepreneurship. Your children can have a healthier parent, if you have someone to call when you’re about ready to scream. And you’ll return to them with more strategic tools to grow into functional human beings. If you could benefit from more tools for surviving and thriving, a qualified therapist can introduce you to these tools.

MYTH BUSTERS

I don’t have to hire someone to talk to. I have friends and family for that. 

Correction: Good friends don’t dump on their friends. If you have people you value in your life, don’t lay the heavy stuff on them. Process it with a professional first. It’s the least selfish way of moving in the world. Also, are your friends and family behavioral or mental health professionals? Do they have their own lives in order? Do you really trust them with your life? 

Even if they do appear to have their lives in order, what would be the benefit to them to constantly listen to and / or solve your problems? There is none. In fact, if they are healthy human beings who have their lives in order, they’ll likely have boundaries that will remind you to call a professional. And it’s highly likely they have someone they call when in need. 

Also, no one owes you their time or insights for free. Sure, a benefit of friendship is to have someone to listen to you and someone for you to listen to. However, this doesn’t give a green light for you to have someone in your life who you complain to all the time. If you’re 51% negative, call in professional help. This will ensure you’ll continue to have friends to call, and your friendships will likely become healthier.

I am who I am. I’m too old and set in my ways to change.

I definitely thought people were who they were going to be by the age of 40. My mother-out-law was in her late 60s when she visited a therapist for the first time.This is on the heels of her being open to visiting with my acupuncturist who also does craniosacral therapy. She opened up to all different types of modalities and has since overhauled her diet with positive results! It’s never too late to grow or try new things. As long as you have tools and time, you can continue to heal and evolve.

I’m a strong Black person. I have religion and a church home. I don’t need a therapist. 

Correction: You absolutely could benefit from a professional counselor. Historically, when have Black women had the opportunity, time and space to heal? 

From childhood through adulthood, I went from one toxic environment to the next—at home and work—without being equipped with skills to cope with the fallout of these experiences. I was always running, without a pause to breathe, feel and heal. My over-involvement in church did not save me. In fact, I believe it masked the chaos happening in my personal life. I was highly trained, at a young age, and skilled at making my narcissist family dynamic look like #goals.

I went from a home built on domestic violence to unsafe schools to jobs and a marriage that exacerbated my stress level as I transitioned into adulthood. Without a true break or professional counsel, I was bound to continue on the path from one toxic situation to another. Thankfully, in my early 20s, I started working with a therapist. In my early 30s, I explored new-to-me types of therapies that empowered me with the tools to piece myself back together after some major life events. In many ways, therapy helped me break the cycle of self-destruction. 

Truth is, we have to recognize we need help and normalize asking for help. We have to ask the right people for support. This gives us a fighting chance at a better life.