Identifying Pandemic Partnership Material

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The consistent theme of this pandemic is improving our standards. Improving standards we hold for our publicly-sponsored elected officials. Improving standards for how we care for ourselves and illustrate the value we hold for our lives. Improving standards for how others treat us and show up for us. 

After more than a year break from dating, I decided to hop back on Bumble on June 1st. With adjusting to my new residence, establishing my footing with two challenging college courses, navigating and supporting the Black Lives Matter uprising, and keeping myself alive as Texas numbers steadily increase for COVID-19 cases, dating absolutely was not a priority. 

One week before the summer semester ended, I decided to pay for a Bumble subscription for the week. This allowed me to view potential suitors I had not yet declined. This immediately resulted in 11 matches. Confident that the guys’ responses to my intro question would thin the herd, I wasn’t concerned about keeping up with all contacts. Three categories soon surfaced:

  1. Hot and Vapid: This was my pick in 2018—traditionally physically attractive with an inability to show up, think or use their words. This type, in my experience, is more often than not emotionally unavailable, insecure, hyper-focused on their work or whatever hustle they have going on. They prefer quick and shallow results when matching. Empathy is absent, but that is possibly due to lack of exposure to it or narcissism.  

  2. Last Pick and Bored: This guy is low hanging fruit. He is relentless. Before he asks anything of substance, he asks you out; not for a virtual date but in person...in a global pandemic, knowing nothing about you. This guy is insecure. He may send you an inappropriate photo of...himself. He has no hobbies of significance besides attempting to spread his germs to romantic interests who lack boundaries and substantive life goals. 

  3. Cute and Consistent: This one is new to me. This guy may be confident. He has no game and appears honest. So far, he meets baseline standards of using his words daily, but not manically; asking thoughtful questions consistently, without interrogation; and has range from humorous to serious conversations. He is patient and respectful of his time and others. He has a limited quarantine pod and enjoys his own company.

Needless to say, cute and consistent is in the lead, for as long as he lasts. This is a fun experience during semester break as I continue to form the full picture of “my type”. Several filters have helped me reach this point including so much trial and error, LOTS of therapy, solid advice from reputable sources/friends, and well-timed tips from the internet. 

  1. Amanda Seales’ enlightening video on how to avoid guys who aren’t serious people.

  2. The Kouncil and Awards for Good Boys on instagram to aid in identifying red flags.

  3. Profiles of 13 guys you’ll meet on a dating app on Roxane Gay’s Medium publication.

How are you determining who has pandemic partnership potential?